Question: Is there a traditional “gift bag” that is given to friends on Purim, and what is in it?

Answer: On Purim, Jews have a commandment to share gifts of food with each other, as a way of increasing kindness between us. In Hebrew, this commandment is referred to as Mishloach Manot, and you must give two or more kosher, prepared foods to one person. Of course, if you want to give Mishloach Manot to more than one person, you are certainly able to do so.

Have a Happy Purim!

Question: Why did the Sages not write a Megillah to commemorate the miracle of Chanukah, as was the case with the miracle of Purim?

Answer: A possible answer to your question is that the books of Tanach (Hebrew Bible) were written by prophets, all of whom were able to write with “Ruach HaKodesh” (Lit: “Holy Spirit,” that is, a certain level of prophecy). According to the Talmud, the ability to receive prophecy ended around the time of the destruction of the first Beis Hamikdash (Temple in Jerusalem). By the time the miracle of Chanukah occurred (2nd Century BCE), there were no more prophets left, and thus no one around who had the ability to write a book worthy of canonization in the Hebrew Bible.

Question: Has Judaism developed any rituals or guidelines for guiding people through the grieving process after they divorce their spouse? I am thinking of a process parallel to the traditional rituals for mourning the death of a loved one.

Answer: Sometimes divorce can be as emotionally traumatic as losing a loved one and the intense feeling of sadness and confusion needs to be addressed. If Judaism views marriage as a fusion of two individuals into one flesh, then divorce is akin to having an amputation. That is why we only resort to it when there is no alternative. You don’t amputate a limb unless it is posing a threat to the rest of your body.

Yet, not all catastrophes mandate formal grieving. The process of Shiva when mourning the loss of a loved one gives the mourner an opportunity to reflect on the life of the deceased, recall their attributes, accomplishments, and legacy. When the mourner can internalize some of this, he takes part of the deceased with him, and that is a great source of comfort. It gives meaning to his life, creates a bond and immortalizes his existence.

Similarly, we annually mourn the destruction of the Temple, and contemplate its meaning, significance, and centrality in our lives. We gain insight into what has been lost, what we can do to compensate, and yearn for its rebuilding.

However, in a divorce, as unfortunate as it may be, one must strengthen himself to get up and move on. You don’t dwell on the past, just look to the future. What it beholds might make you forget about your tears.

Sincerest condolences,
Shlomo Soroka

Question: Did the Israelites carry idols with them across the Red Sea? What’s the source for that?

Answer: Thank you for your excellent question. There is some disagreement. For sure there was only one idol crossing, if there was any at all.

There are several issues involved. In Exodus 12, the commentary of Rashi says that before they brought the Paschal lamb, they removed themselves from idolatry. Thus it would seem that they did not have any idols at the Crossing of the Sea.

There is a Midrash (Yalkut Shimoni 1:238) that days that the angels called the Israelites idolators at the crossing of the Red Sea. However, this does not prove that they had actual idols, rather the angels were accusing them of the sin of idolatry, which they had in their past.

There is another Midrash which indicates that one idol may have crossed with the Israelites over the Sea. There is a narrative in the book of Judges chapters 17 and 18 about a man named Micah who had a shrine to an idol. There is discussion about where this idol cames from in Rabbinical literature:

One passage (Midrash Exodus Rabba chapter 24) says that the idol of Micah passed with them over the Sea. Another passage (ibid. chapter 41) says that the metals that were later used by Micah to make the idol passed over the sea with him. This is also echoed in Babylonian Talmud Tractate Sanhedrin 103b.

According to another Midrash (Tanhuma, Yelammedenu 1 100), Moses saved Micah as a child from being killed by Pharaoh. Moses later used a parchment containing the words “rise oh ox” to raise the bones of Joseph from the river where he was interred so he could be brought to Shechem where he is buried. Michah took the parchment and used it to create an idol later, according to many, the golden calf. It would seem that it was not in idol form when they crossed the sea according to this opinion.

It should be noted that this Micah was not the same Micah who was a prophet later in history.

All the best,
Rabbi Kolakowski

Question: Can you tell me what traditional Jewish opinion on women Rabbis is? I know that certain branches of Judaism do not allow it. How come? Could you give me any scripture references from the Torah?

Answer: We must understand that although commonly we refer to Jewish clergy as Rabbis, there are many different types of Rabbis, often varying by denomination. For example, the typical “Orthodox” Rabbi that existed in Europe and exists today in many communities in America and throughout the world, are ordained based on a tradition that has been handed down from Moses at Sinai, and exercises certain powers within the community, not only to answer queries regarding Jewish Law and adjudicate disputes, but even to make edicts that are binding on the whole community. On the other hand, although we also commonly refer to Reform and Conservative clergy as Rabbis, very few have such powers, but are really employed to officiate at weddings, Bar/ Bat Mitzvahs, and deaths, and are more like counselors and social workers to their congregants.

Regarding the first type (which I’ve stereotypically called Orthodox, although there are many Orthodox Rabbis that actually fit the second category), Maimonides (Hilchot Melachim 1:5) rules that a woman may not be appointed to such a position. This is based on the verse in Deuteronomy 17:15. Regarding the second type, we really don’t find that women should be restricted from a “social worker” type role. Although many people might feel that calling any person in such a role a Rabbi is a misnomer – that is really a question of semantics. But if a Reform congregation wishes to appoint a woman as their clergy, I don’t know of anyone who would object to this alone. They may object to calling her a Rabbi – but that objection would also be applicable to calling a male in the same position a Rabbi!

Take care,
Rabbi Aaron Tendler

Question: I’m 65 years old and I am now thinking about being Bat Mitzva’ed. What benifit would it have for me?

It’s truly inspiring to hear that you’re thinking about rekindling your Judaism and starting from scratch, as it were. But I’ll tell you – traditionally, Bar/Bat mitzvahs are only done at 13/12 for boys/girls. The point is to celebrate and inspire ones self to embark on a path of closeness to G-d which is why G-d put us here. I.e. to become perfect and G-dly so that we experience the ultimate pleasure of connection to G-d.

Therefore, it seems that an appropriate way of celebrating would be to choose one Mitzva, one of G-d’s laws for living, which you will be scrupulous about doing from now on. An idea might be to start every day by studying one Torah thought in a book or website. I mention this because Torah study is the most central Mitzva of Judaism. I hope it goes well!

Best Regards,
Rabbi Meir Goldberg
Maimonides Leaders Fellowship,
Rutgers Jewish Xperience
Rutgersjx.com

Question: I remember reading or hearing somewhere that you’re supposed to go to the cemetery and invite the dead to family events, like weddings, but my mother doesn’t remember this and now I can’t find where I heard it! I know this isn’t a law, but is it a custom of some sort?

Answer: Thank you for your question. I’ve actually read about this custom in a book written by Rabbi Chaim Shapiro, named “Once Upon a Shtetl” where he talks about this in the final chapter. I’m pasting here a response that I once gave to someone else on a related topic which you might find interesting:

Rabbi, can you please tell me why it is so important to my mother that when I go to visit her (infrequently, by plane) she wants me to visit my father’s and brother’s graves? I remember my father with love and
gratitude often and I still miss him. When I visit my mother for a couple of days and want to take her out for a treat, the first thing she wants to do is go to the cemetery. What am I missing?

Thanks for your question. Although it would be impossible to conclusively analyze what your mother’s feelings are regarding this, I can just share with you some thoughts and observations on this subject.

The Talmud (Brachos 18b – and in other places) teaches us in detail that the deceased are very much aware of what goes on in this world, even many years after they have died. I’m not sure exactly how to understand this, but I think the idea is that the Neshama -”soul” actually has a few parts to it (I believe that Maimonides states that the human soul has 5 parts). Although the soul usually goes to heaven after death, the Ruach – “spirit” part of it can sometimes be actually hovering around the grave for quite some time. As a matter of fact, until the beginning of this century (and perhaps there are some who have this custom even today) there was a Jewish custom to visit the cemetery before a family events, such as a wedding, and invite the close relatives of the parties getting married to attend “in spirit” ( as I’m writing this I’m wondering whether this might be the source for the expression “I’ll be there in spirit!”).

Interestingly, one of the “controversial” sore points between the Hassidic movements and those who were against it when they started was that the Hassidim would pray to these “spirits” , especially those of the Tzadikim (very righteous) when they would visit the cemetery. Those who opposed them felt that this is tantamount to idol worship, and we may only pray to G-d that in the merit of those whose graves we are visiting He should answer our prayers.

On a more practical level, it is very possible that your mother just misses the closeness and togetherness as a family that you once had, and to her visiting the graves with you alleviates a little of that loneliness. I think that this is much harder for a child to understand than for a parent. Every parent wants her or his children to feel close and loving, although as kids we usually don’t see the need for it. At any rate, she is giving you a wonderful opportunity to fulfill the Mitzvah (commandment) of Honoring Your Mother, for which the Torah guarantees us the reward of a good and long life, so having to spend some time with her at the grave has it’s rewards too :-). I hope that this has been helpful-

Take care,
Rabbi Aaron Tendler

Question: Who wrote the book of Psalms? Was it entirely written by King David?

Answer: The Talmud (Oral Teachings of Torah that were eventually written down around 1800 years ago) teaches that King David composed and compiled the Psalms. Those Psalms explicitly attributed to him, and most of the anonymous ones (but not all), were written by David, or in some cases to David by his court composers. The Talmud (Bava Basra 14b) mentions that there were ten earlier composers from whose work David compiled to make many of the Psalms. It says, “David wrote the Book of Psalms, including in it the work of the elders Adam, Malkizedek, Abraham, Moses, Heman, Jeduthun, Asaph, and the three sons of Korah.”. The text and order of the Psalms, like all books of the Kesuvim, was inspired by God.

Rabbi Joe Kolakowski

Question: Throughout the Torah Portion of Shemos, Pharaoh is referred to as “Pharaoh” and other times as “the king of Egypt”. The contrast is most noticeable in ch.5: 1-5:

5:1 – Moses & Aaron said to Pharaoh…
5:2 – Pharaoh replied ….
5:3 – Moses & Aaron reply…
5:4 – The king of Egypt said to them ….
5:5 – And Pharaoh said ….

Why, in 5:4, is it “The king of Egypt” rather than Pharaoh? 5:4-5:5 are Pharaoh’s response to 5:3. Why, in the middle of Pharaoh’s response, does the reply switch from king of Egypt to Pharaoh?

Answer: I can’t answer your particular question, but this may provide some data and something to think about:

Zohar, Book of Exodus, Section 2, page 17a: When the Torah says “king of Egypt”, it means the angel appointed over Egypt. When it mentions “Pharaoh”, it means Pharaoh himself.

Fascinating Midrash. It is also reminiscent of the similar fact in Talmud Megillah 15b, on Megillas Esther (The Scroll of Esther): When it says “the king”, it means G-d. When it says “Achashverosh”, it means King Achashverosh himself.

In both of these events, G-d was using the non-Jewish nations as a way of shaping Israel. In some verses, his guiding hand becomes more apparent.

Best wishes,
Michoel Reach